Oh, For the Love of Pete February 2, 2008

Ok, that does it.  I don’t care about how many readers I have.  No one reads this blog anyway.  The only people who I actually want reading this know how to find it.  But I can’t take the fact right now that some weird-a** people out there are finding my blog because of what they are Googling.  Today’s weird Google of the day (yes, someone Googled this AGAIN):

 ”tongue in my butt”

 So, I am going to reset the privacy setting to not allow people to access it from a search engine. 

 I know that I am a weirdo too, but not a pervert. 

The Best Of Both Worlds January 8, 2008

I love James Taylor, and I love Alison Krauss.  I was watching a tribute to James on…maybe it was PBS.  Other artists were singing his songs.  Many people did a good job, but then I heard Alison Krauss sing, “Carolina In My Mind,” I was totally blown away.  I did not think that someone could sing it better than James, but I was wrong.  It is amazing how slowing down the song totally changes its meaning.  James’ version is about 4 minutes, while Alison’s is about 5:30.  Either versions are beautiful, but Alison’s is PHENOMENAL!

 here is a Youtube link to watch the video:  (get a hanky)

Some People Have Too Much Time to Kill…. January 3, 2008

Ok, I just checked my blog stats today and I like the feature that tells you what people put in their search engines to find your blog.  So this may not be the weirdest Google of the Day, but it is certainly the grossest: (for those of you who are squeamish, you may want to stop reading now.  You have been forewarned.)

GROSS Google of the Day:

“tongue in my butt”

 My post, “Burst the Bubble Butt” seems to be a very popular result when people put anything to do with a bubble or muscular butt in a search engine.  I don’t get why so many people are researching butts, but hey, who am I to judge?  I just think some people have too much time to kill.  If this does not make that apparent, well, I don’t know what to say about that. 

To the Keen Observer… December 24, 2007

More ongoing tales of my unique relationship with the service manager: 

 I have always been a keen observer.  I notice small, minute details in my scope of vision.  I’ll open a drawer, to get something, get it out, but I notice all of the other crap in the drawer too.  It doesn’t take me longer, and I don’t sit there ogling the drawer’s contents.  But in the time it takes me to open it, find what I want, and close it, I have a mental picture of what is in the drawer.  It was in my scope of vision, so more than likely, I will remember if something is in it.  I have always been that way.  My parents used to come to me to see if I knew where something was.  More often than not, I could tell them.  Now, this does not work as well since I am older, but it still does to some degree.  With that being said…

 The day started like any other.  Cold.  Went to work.  Service and parts were going to be closing early today.  The service manager asked me to make a sign that they would be closing early.  I typed out the sign on my Word program.  But for some reason, my buttons on the toolbar had been altered.  I needed the button to center the text.  I was getting a little frustrated, and the service manager came over and asked what was wrong.  I told him I couldn’t get the button back to center the text.  Well, he sympathized as much as he could, which wasn’t much.  That’s ok.  I wasn’t looking for it anyway.  Well, I FINALLY found the button menu, restored it, and finished the sign.  I went over to parts to tape a sign the counter, and I happened to turn as the service manager was coming through the door from the shop.  I only saw him for a second, but in my scope of visi0n, I saw his fly was WIDE open!  So he came over, and looked at the sign, and said:

him: So you got it done?

me: Yeah, I found the button.  And you might want to find your zipper…

him: Ooooh, that’s the second time you’ve looked at me there..

me: [with the "EXCUSE me?" look on my face] HEY!  You were in my field of vision.  I told you before it only takes me a second to notice things like that.

him: I know, I’m just kidding.. Thank you…

me:   Hey, I’ve caught you twice with your fly down and you’ve taken my lotion to the bathroom, we’re a little past coy at this point…

him: You’re right.

 So, there was the latest in the evolution of my relationship with the service manager.  When he first started working here again, it was the same as it was before.  He was rude and disrespectful, and a few times we had it out.  But since the last time, he either learned that he is NOT going to win with me when he is wrong, or he learned that I am a pretty cool Chica.  Whatever it is, I am not going to frell with it.  But we seem to have this banter going on.  Which is fine.  As long as he is respectful. 

One more thing:

Last week, I heard this very loud belch coming from his office.  I passed by and said his name like I was his Mama reminding him of his manners.  He said, “Sorry.”  I retorted, “Naw, I was just thinking you could have done better than that.  That was WEAK!”  He laughed at me.  I guess I surprised him with my true reaction.  Ah-HA!  I love surprising people. 

 Maybe someday, someone will get one over on me and my keen observation.  But it would have to be REALLY GOOD!

Deep Thought of the Day December 20, 2007

Deep Thought of the Day:  It would be a really neat trick if we humans could whistle out of our butts. 

 See, I know someone who sings a lot, and does not sound good.  He sounds like a cat being swung around by his tail.  But, this person, BC, also farts a lot.  He farts has much as he sings.  So, my Deep Thought for today would be that if we as humans could whistle from our butts, then some people wouldn’t sing because of the music they would be making with their a**es.  I mean, why ruin a good thing?  If BC would whistle out of his a**, it would save me, and others, a lot of ear aches!

A Priest and an Eyeball Pizza December 10, 2007

My co-worker G went home sick last Thursday, and I was sittin’ there at work all alone.  The accounting lady had her daughter at work since there was no school for some reason.  Her daughter, I will call her Kimmy, was bored and wandered downstairs, and seeing that G was not there, asked if she could get on G’s computer to check on the Barbie website.  Sure.  Well, she spent a couple of hours with me, chatting in between me doing what resembled work.  Kimmy is 9, and an only child.  And we had some interesting conversations during our Girl Bonding experience.  At one point, one of the salesman walked by the desk, and he had on a white sweater and a maroon collared shirt.  Kimmy saw him and asked me, “Is that man a priest?”  WHAT??????????????  Ok!  I am not sure where she came up with that idea, because it certainly wasn’t his wardrobe.  So I told her no, that he was a salesman that worked there, and then I said, “What made you think he was a priest?”  She replied, “Well, I see him in church all of the time.”  I explained to her that Al was not a priest, that he sold cars.  Then she asked, “Is he a BISHOP?”  Noooooo.  So I refreshed her memory in that anyone who is in the order cannot be married, and that included priests and bishops.  Al has been married, and has a daughter, and now he is not, but he has a girlfriend.  She seemed to understand. 

 Well, then lunch came: Pizza Hut delivery.  I shared with Kimmy, and I saw her starting to pick all of the sausage off.  I asked her, “Do you not eat sausage?”  Her answer, “No I don’t like it.  My dad said that it’s made out of pigs eyeballs.”  I couldn’t help chuckling at that.  I said, “Well, it’s possible that there are eyeballs in the sausage, but not likely.”  Then Kimmy said, “I wonder what eating an eyeball would be like?”  I replied, “Oh, I don’t know, maybe like eating a cherry tomato, but it would taste worse.”  Well, since Kimmy didn’t want her ground up eyeballs, I told her to pass them on to me.  She piled them on my plate, and I enjoyed the protein!   I did mention to Kimmy that I bet eyeballs would be very low in fat.  She just looked at me like I was crazy!  Hey, low in fat and a good source of protein.  Wouldn’t Dr. Atkins be proud?  

Kimmy and I had two slices of the pizza each, and then we gave the rest to the parts guys.  Hey, they will eat anything, even eyeballs on pizza!  Cover it with enough cheese, and BAM! 

 I hate to state that overused phrase, but Kids Say the Darnedest Things!

Word of the Day November 22, 2007

Stuffed.

Deep Thought [That I Don't Want to Think About] of the Day Part II November 13, 2007

Ok. The same service manager from Part 1 just came up to me and asked for borrow my lotion again.  Then he went into the men’s room. 

 Oh, C’MOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Don’t do that!!!! 

 In what part of the country is that appropriate? 

Is it even legal??

He was only gone for a minute…but if you have seen “There’s Something About Mary,” then a minute is all you need. 

 I know I am being dramatic, but seriously, if you borrow someone’s lotion no matter if you are a man or a woman, and you just need it for your hands, then don’t take it to the bathroom.  And if you have to put it other parts of your body, do it at home.  :-8

7 Things… November 10, 2007

Apparently I tagged myself.  Now, I have not figured out how to put links to other’s blogs on my page, and I only know a couple of people with blogs anyway outside of Myspace.  So I can’t tag anyone in return…and the people I would tag have already been tagged…(maybe I need to get that WordPress tutorial disc from you RC…)

 Hmmmm… let’s see.  7 things about me that I haven’t already told people….

 1.  I love to read.  I used to read one book at the time.  I LOVE the classics.  I read children’s classics, teenage classics, etc.  But as I have gotten older, and started to read more challenging things (i.e. thicker books), I don’t read one book at a time.  I am currently reading Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie, The Digital RV by Rich Charpentier, and Les Miserables by Victor Hugo.  I have been working on Les Miserables for over a year and half.  I have 400 pages to go.  But I haven’t picked it up in about 5 months.  Sometimes, I find with books like that, I need a break.  But the next time I pick it up, I will probably finish it.  And one thing that surprised me about Peter Pan, was the prolific use of curse words in it.  Hmmm, children’s book indeed…

2.  I love the smell of cigar and pipe tobacco.  I have never smoked it myself, but I love going to cigar bars, and being around people when they are smoking cigars and Pipes.  Pipes are my favorite. 

3.  I like to take my time looking at things.  When I go into a store for the first time, I really like to absorb my surroundings.  I like to pick things up, look through racks, smell things, feel textures.  When hiking or walking outdoors, I like to get the exercise in, but what I really like to do, is stop when I have reached a point, and sit for a long while, and just look and absorb.  If I don’t have time for that, then I don’t feel like I got the whole experience.  And if I don’t have the time to go through the entire store at my pace, I don’t usually look much at all.  I just like to take it all in.  I don’t like being rushed. 

4.  I love hats.  However, most hats to not like me.  I have a very big head as far as roundness factor.  (see photo of the three year old me with that big ‘ole head in post “Twenty eight years ago” if ya don’t believe me.)  Hats with brims do not look good on me.  I love them, but can’t wear them.  But, I am glad that I live in a place where we get real winters.  I can wear beanies, and berets.  Winter hats agree with me.  If it would just frelling snow….

5.  One of my goals in life is to someday, rent (or buy) an RV, and take it up each coast.  From the FL Keys all the way to Maine.  And since I am there, see Novia Scotia and Prince Edward Island as well.  Then on the west coast, go from Baja all the way to British Columbia.  Then maybe Alaska since I am that close too!  (that may require a plane ride at that point.)  But I would want to take my time, and see all the things that I want to see and not have to miss something because something else seems more interesting and have to make a choice due to time constraints.

6.  Due to popular belief, I am not a cat-only person.  I love (almost) all animals.  If I had my way and the time, I would live in a log cabin house in a mountain valley, surrounded by green, and I would have cats, dogs, horses, goats, chickens, llamas, a python, and a macaw.  However, I am not wealthy, and I am a renter.  I have cats because I need some kind of four-legged companionship.  Cats are pretty low maintenance, compared to dogs and macaws.  I have no room for horses, chickens, or goats.  Dogs require more time than I have.  I am not crazy about fish and small birds though.  I get attached to my pets, and having a pet with a short life expectancy doesn’t thrill me.  Cleaning out an aquarium and a birdcage does not thrill me either.  It’s easier to scoop a litterbox everyday.  And I will probably never have a macaw because they require constant attention, a lot of space (I would have to have an aviary for a bird like that, I could never cage it), and patience.  And most macaws usually outlive their owners and end up in deplorable conditions or euthanized when their owners die.  (Ok, I have been watching too much Animal Planet)

7.  Wow, I am amazed I came up with six things.  That wasn’t as hard as I thought.  Now for just one more… I love to swim.  It is very calming, and revitalizing, gets my heart going, and you don’t get as stinky because the water washes away most of the sweat.  I get very bad goggle marks around my eyes though.  It takes a few hours for them to go away.  I have my VERY pink silicone swim cap that I have had since high school.  I don’t swim very often anymore.  But since I started swimming laps, I hate going to pools to hang out.  I can’t just go and “have fun” in the pool like when I was a kid.  And if the pool is not big enough for me to take at least three breaths in while doing laps, I will not swim in it.  If there are even a handful of people in a pool that is not sectioned off for lap swimming, then I won’t even attempt to lap swim because I don’t want others to feel like they can’t have fun, but at the same time, I want my “zone” respected and I don’t want to have to worry about someone getting in my way or running into someone. 

Well, there are my seven things.  I don’t know if it will make any of you say, “Gee, I didn’t know that about her,” but it’s what I came up with. 

Well, there is one more thing:

8.  I never used to use contractions when I wrote ANYTHING.  It was against MLA rules in school, and I just got out of the habit of it.  I am getting better and more at ease about using them when I type or write, but sometimes it is more of a pain to put in an apostrophe than to just write or type the two words themselves. 

One more:

9.  I had a pierced tongue for 6 years.  From age 22-28.  I took it out the bar for good when I almost couldn’t get it out to clean it. 

Deep Thought [That I Don't Want to Think About] of the Day November 7, 2007

The service manager of the dealership where I work just came up to me and asked to borrow my bottle of lotion. 

And his fly was open. 

 Oh God. 

 He stayed at my desk and put the lotion on his hands.  He gave the bottle back to me.

 THANK God. 

Since he didn’t have any ill-intentions towards my lotion, I told him to “XYZ.”

He came back a few minutes later and thanked me from future embarrassment. 

No problem Dude. 

We’ll keep this just between us. 

(and any readers who happen to venture here…)